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19twentythree | January 17, 2018

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Her Flames of Life

September 29, 2015 | Hadeel El Deeb
Her Flames of Life

She walked into the fire; with all her might, she walked into the fire of blazing and deadly heat, knowing it’s where she should be. She opened her eyes, staring at the flames, challenging them to get closer, and when they almost rose up to her level, she could feel every inch of her skin swelter  with excruciating, mind-numbing pain. A feeling of trance took over her every sense of being taking her mind from one thought to the other while her skin burnt up one layer at a time. Her body was crying for mercy but her brain was too caught up in the lost world of all the possibilities.

Years back, her world was collapsing in front of her as she sat there watching and experiencing it with more pleasure than nuisance. She could see how everyone around her kept poking their sticky fingers deep in her thoughts trying to work on her inexplicable mind frequencies causing what to them was carelessness and irresponsible behaviour. Instead of trying to stop them or perhaps looking into the potential of the help they were trying to give, she would sink deeper into her indifference and build more life around it.

Everyone wondered how she saw her world and what no one would ever believe or even fathom was her ability to live in her absolute misery as spirals of beaming light and hope. She saw it all in different colours, in patterns of gleaming rainbows and silhouettes of utter bliss and joy. They thought they were living it the right way; she knew they were living a different reality.

She created her world just like they created theirs; she let them live theirs in peace while they found their peace of mind in meddling with hers. Don’t they realise they live their lives through her patterns of creation? Don’t they know their comfort lies in her distant cocoon?

Time after time, she would sink deeper in her chosen reality, dissolving into her perfectly woven stories that only she could truly grasp. And in no time, she found herself immersed in the piles of mess she inherited from their passed on miseries. No matter how much she tried to intertwine them with her beautifully painful imagination, all she could get were twisted webs of selfishness, immoral lust, pathetic lies, and hypocrisy. Could she handle such a duality?

Soon enough, she walked away from it all, choosing to let them be. They needed to see it for themselves; they needed to leave her out of it. They had to deal with their own created stories without taking advantage of her individuality. They broke her before and she vowed to never let it happen again. Only she can break herself and no one else was allowed to reach so deep into her being. Only she can walk into the fire, willingly, and with complete chosen surrender.

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